Northampton, Massachusetts–Yesterday’s uprising at Northampton Elementary School is sending ripples through this otherwise placid community. Long considered a warmbed of liberal activism, this western Massachusetts city of 26,000 has been rocked by an uprising among its youngest citizens, who took to the streets outside their elementary school yesterday to protest the school library’s apparently problematic coloring book library.
The protesters used the traditional ‘call and response’ style. The chanting could be heard for miles: “What do we want?” followed by “a coloring book library that doesn’t marginalize vulnerable communities!” and “when do we want it?” met with the reply “after nap time!”.
Tofu Curtain spoke to student protest leader Kale Wiffle, who explained “we simply got fed up. I mean ‘The Little Mermaid’? so gendered. ‘Curious George’? he’s like a 1950’s ‘Harambe’. ‘Aladdin’? Islamophobic. And don’t even get me started on ‘Winnie the Pooh’…”
School administrators quickly capitulated to the protesters’ demands. They even threw in juice boxes. According to school Vice Principal Carol Watnot, “these kids are the liberal arts campus leaders of the future. And we want them to know that their voices will always be heard, and their demands will always be acknowledged…anyways, truth is we ended the protests with a few Elmo coloring books. Frankly I think that little queer ruined Sesame Street, but these kids love him. Plus those widdle protest signs were so cute we just had to give in.”