Recent discord at the University of California-Berkeley, in which aggrieved minorities protested the relocation of their ‘safe space’ from one floor of a building to another by inconveniencing white people, was an act of blatant, deliberate, and violent cultural appropriation, as we at Tofu Curtain had the very same idea in 2011.

While the records from that early period in our publication’s history were destroyed by arson, faithful readers will recall the editorial in question, titled: ‘Tofu Curtain Editorial Board Recommends the Inconveniencing of White People in Retaliation for the Relocation of Safe Spaces’. We were offering a very specific solution to a very specific problem, and we should have been credited with pioneering this technique.

Please do not misconstrue us; we are sympathetic to the cause of the protestors. The relocation of a safe space–even within the same building–can itself be triggering, thus requiring a safe space (which may also have been relocated), thus creating a reductio ad absurdum that can lead to insanity or death. So we do not take this matter lightly.

But employing our ideas–nos methodes de guerre–without proper attribution–is unacceptable. Ever since the great fire, Tofu Curtain staff has worked painstakingly to rebuild our company from the print media powerhouse it once was to the high tech media behemoth we are today. We did not rise from the ashes to dominate the global media marketplace through some accident, and we have not made our fortunes in gold and bitcoin only to stand by while a bunch of well-intentioned but culturally appropriative so-called activists steal our schtick without a Tweet, a link back, or even a god damned hashtag for our troubles.