Amherst, MA–After returning home from his job as a bartender, Lawrence Michaelson, 37, took to Facebook to post what is being hailed as the most pivotal commentary this election cycle.
The post, which began, “Alright listen you idiots,” implored voters whose beliefs diverged from the authors’ to reconsider and “wake the fuck up.”
Analysts are saying the invective-laden status update, which totaled 1,236 words, 32 of which were written in all caps, is having a profound, rippling effect on the opinions of Mr. Michaelson’s social media connections. Fivethirtyeight, Yahoo! News, and CBS announced that they would be resampling to more accurately depict public opinion ‘post-Michaelson.’
Asked about his incredible ability to persuade others, Mr. Michaelson replied, “Everybody’s got opinions. The trick is to make them more digestible by wrapping them in a belittling, insult-driven rant while making no attempt to understand how people could possibly feel differently than [you] do.” He added that as a matter of style he had chosen to forego commas and periods, but employed abundant use of exclamation points and question marks.