Chicopee, MA–Long-time couple Stan and Karen Epstein stated happily this past Monday that, after 48 years of marriage, they were still able to finish each other’s life sentences.
The Chicopee couple, whose combined sentences exceed 120 years, met while attending anger management during their senior year of high school. Mrs. Epstein remembers their introduction like it was yesterday. “Stan was the handsomest guy in the room. We split a diet soda after our first class.” Since then it’s been nothing but uncontrollable laughter, punctuated by fits of murderous, blinding rage.
As with any long-term relationship, there have been ups and downs: buying their first house; losing their jobs; that first, breathtaking bank robbery.
It was then, fleeing the scene in Mr. Epstein’s bright red ’88 Carolla, that they knew they belonged together. The pair eloped, embarking on a stimulant-fueled crime that brought them to more than a few national monuments. “The photos from the Grand Canyon are just lovely!” Mrs. Epstein gushed about the photos that were entered into evidence by the prosecution over a decade ago.
Asked about the secret to their continued happiness, the Epsteins stress the importance of not keeping score. “After this many years of marriage, it’s hard to remember who murdered who, and it really doesn’t matter that much.” Mr. Epstein explained.
“Whom, dear. Who murdered whom,” Mrs. Epstein corrected from behind 3.5 inches of bulletproof glass.