Berkeley, CA–In an ironic twist on last night’s protests, students were forced to evacuate one of UC Berkeley’s six designated safe-spaces due to dangers posed by a fire started by campus activists. Onlookers watched in horror as the three-story safe-space was reduced to a pile of ashes in a matter of minutes during an anti-speech protest that quickly turned into a riot.
“This is really problematic,” stated Karen Judd, co-president of the UC Berkeley League of Student Demonstrators (UCBLSD). “The burning of this safe-space has left many students triggered, and thus completely unaccountable to social and legal norms.”
More fires, she said, are a distinct possibility.
Reached for comment about the incident, the president of the UC Berkeley Republican Club, who asked to remain anonymous, stated: “The whole event was beyond my wildest dreams. We managed to get rid of those silly safe spaces, while our scheduled speaker was able to make his point about campus speech codes without saying a word.”
As of press time, the Republican Club president was making golf plans, to fill in the free time he previously intended to use for a political debate: “so much for engaging the other side. I’m playing a full 18 at dad’s country club instead. I’d like to graduate from this shit-show unharmed, if at all possible.”