Northampton, Massachusetts–Local activist group Jews for Justice, originally founded to oppose Israeli government policies, has taken up the cause of fighting cultural appropriation. The group’s first target was the local Bruegger’s Bagels on Main Street, where they gathered yesterday morning. Standing in front of the store’s St. Patrick’s Day window display, the activists held up signs with slogans such as “No Bris? No Bagel!” and “Cultural Appropriation is Meshuga!”. At one point things got heated, as one activist tried to slap a ham, egg, and cheese sandwich out of the hands of a hungry senior citizen.

‘Cultural appropriation’ is defined by Wikipedia as: “the adoption or use of the elements of one culture by members of another culture.” Some people consider this a natural and healthy phenomenon in diverse, multicultural populations. However a growing chorus of activists disagree. With the issue heating up in college towns nationwide, Jews for Justice leader Jennifer Schwartz-O’Flaherty decided to get her group involved. She chose Bruegger’s for their first protest after going there for lunch last week: “the counter help didn’t even know what a ‘lox schmear’ was. I had to call it ‘smoked salmon spread.’ That was a total micro-aggression. But not as micro as those tiny pieces of fish. Indiscernible flecks of pink don’t make it a lox schmear.” Schwartz-O’Flaherty went on to elaborate, “if you think these are ‘authentic New York bagels’ then you’re either a schmuck or a goy. Either way, hands off my culture!”. As of press time Bruegger’s Bagels offered no comment on the matter. Jews for Justice is planning a second action next week, this time at Tart Bakery. Apparently, the upscale bakery’s hamantashen is “delicious, but no self-respecting Jew is gonna pay $2.79 for a glorified cookie.”